He is my Babe! My husband, that is. I have called him that for years now.
He came home for lunch (like usual).
Without warning, to even myself let alone my babe, my mouth spewed ugliness...of craziness, resentment, pride, comparison, lack of understanding, desiring something other than the portion God had given me that day. Or so I thought.
The kids were standing on chairs "helping me" prepare the salads for lunch making it most difficult to work in our tight lil space. Of course there were so many other mommy moments to work up to this point. "I want to go to work and come home with lunch waiting for me. I want to be able to drive alone to work. I want these kids to listen and obey me. I want...to get away." I stopped my spewing...as I watched my Babe with wonder on his face. He should have just went back to work. He didn't deserve my spew. I was hard and unbreakable in my spirit. You know sometimes life (as a mom) is beyond my ability. Most times it is.
I apologized. "I am sorry you came home to this lunch today." and my babe looked at me and said, " oh do you need a hug?" I moved away. He came near and forced my unwilling arms around him. And. I. Broke.
The tears fell down his button up shirt and it was all I could do to keep my sob from becoming vocal.
It felt good. I needed that love. That was all I needed. LOVE. Sometimes I am so resistant to love when it's the only thing I should be accepting.
Thank you my babe for loving me. It still brings tears to my eyes. Because God gave me a different portion through you that day. He showed me my resistance to receive love, pure selfless love. Just allowing God and my Babe to love me through the mundane, the pain, and the daily mommy life.
I am nothing in my spew but everything in his arms said he loved me!
Oh how I am broken yet God makes it beautiful.