No fruit on the vines?

 

It lingers in the my mind and times of out loud singing can't be helped...This is my Father's world and to my listening ears...this is my Father's world, I rest me in the thought...This is my Father's world He shines in all that's fair... 

 

Yet, this world seems so unfair and full of human selfishness and seeking and the prevalence of evil and wickedness is so easily seen and heard.

 

*I fight the working world to be home and love and defend and train my children up. They fight, they disobey, they cry, they love, they obey, and we try to praise.

*Facebook shows perfection and people at their best...yet pain and brokenness cannot be hidden. A marriage is divided, a lil boy was molested and the judge released the man, the bitter cold brings out the bitterness in others...seems evil is stronger...

*I speak Truth with a capital T and I am told I am the only one with that perspective and advice...loneliness could set in...

*A single mom blames me for betrayal after I have loved and cared and prayed to be the hands and feet of Jesus - evil seems to be prevailing and building walls to keep God's plan of salvation and true love from her...

*I walk into a room full of women during prayer and only 2 out of 20 women have there eyes closed in reverent prayer...where is the fear of the Lord and the desire for more?

*I attended an informational testimonial event of human trafficking and my heart broke to hear of all the fatherless homes and hurts...when evil removes the Father...is it over?

*Pictures and videos of orphans pain my heart...will they ever say mom or dad and be embraced?

*A self defense class taught me how to gouge eyes, knee groins, slap ears, and kick inner shins all because this world is not safe and evil may grab and we must be ready and aware.

 

But yet in all of this difficulty and all this inner and outer turmoil, my soul cannot be silenced and my heart continues to sing...

This is my Father's world though let me ne'er forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong God is the ruler yet. This is my Father's world the battle is not done that earth and heaven be one. I will not be afraid. I will not be afraid. This is my Father's world. No I will not be afraid when this world doesn't know who Jesus is. This world doesn't accept the way, the truth, the life. When this world doesn't accept that it was a baby that is holding them...

This is my Father's world and Christmas bring to us Emmanuel, God with us. 

So let your feeble arms stop trying to hold the cries of our babies, the cries of our broken homes, the cries our of schools where common core seems it could destroy, the cries of our evil world...for their is a cry that will never cease and it came as a baby to hold you and me. This Jesus declared victory! It's victory! It is victory. We are set free. We will bow the knee and forever sing

This. is. my. Father's. World.

This writing was inspired from reading Habbakuk 3:17-19 . It is my modern day version of those verses from the occurrences and thoughts of my own life in the past month. 

When you think you will never have a moment alone...the need is still real.

It's a daily battle. Yet it's a daily joy all the same. The lack of doors I get to shut and the lack of locks I get to turn. It hit me as my hand smoothed the water running down the shower curtain as I strained to see my 2 year old sitting on the floor getting into daddy's books on his nightstand. I smiled and he sheepishly grinned back knowing my reflection was blurry. And to him it was only a game of hide-n-seek and a chance to be curious George without being caught.
 All I needed was a shower.
Needs.
So many needs in this life. Needs of a 5 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and needs of a tired hard working husband. As fun as the game of hide-n-seek and thoughts of, "oh no, I can't see him...what is he into now?"...
It's so easy in this life to get confused with what I really need and what I really want. I guess the truth was I needed a shower but I wanted the privacy. Sometimes I wonder if I could just turn all my needs into wants and to be honest I try. Denying myself and sacrificing for my family would be so much easier if I thought of it as a want. Wouldn't it?
If I could use the bathroom in peace, quiet, and privacy? If I could sit in my Jesus chair and hear more than that small voice, "me want to cowor" and then watch the scribbles cover overt he Holy words. Seems I am often straining through to get to what really matters. I find myself in frustration and self pity sometimes over these lack of closed doors and unturned locks. But today I find myself lying in bed fighting the tears and then feeling them dampen my pillow.
Oh Jesus, I want so much to deny myself and take up my cross and follow you. Why is it so hard to deny my needs?
And as I write this, it is 6 a.m.
I hear the cry from my 2 year old in his crib, "I want daddy. I want daddy." I continue to write hoping it's just a dream...I prayed through the heart wrenching cry from down the hall...
Oh I wish I didn't have needs.
I lifted myself from my Jesus chair to heed the call of my son and it hit me. I want to need. I want to need because Jesus didn't die for nothing. I am so thankful that I have needs. I can lay in my bed and call out, "Daddy. I want daddy. I want daddy." And He comes to me and walks with me and talks with me. All because my door is still open and unlocked.
And so now I sing this song even when I wish I could shut the door and lock it but there are needs around me constantly...
Lord I need you, Lord I need you.
(click on this link and worship with me and thank God for your need)