Moving Realizations

So it's been 82 days (2 months and 21 days) since God moved us to Jamestown, North Dakota. Trust me I know that I know that God moved us here...and let me say I am truly thankful. My heart in deepest place has peace that passes understanding...I can barely explain it. But that doesn't make life easy or without challenge and my heart still struggles. And if any of you who read this blog know me, my daily life doesn't come without thousands of hormones, dramatic emotions, and deep down heart and soul. It's just part of who he made me.
So what's the significance of 82 days? Here a few of my latest realizations:

I have realized that I have never been more homesick than now...it's been just long enough to realize I'm not dreaming and this is reality. We moved from our home and our community of close friendships and acquaintances and comfort. You know the saying "you never know what you've got until it's gone"? Well I knew what I had but afer moving now I really know what I had! So I am going through the grieving process. If I'm honest, some days I don't want to try... I don't want to make this home...I don't want to try to make new friends because I can't replace what God knit together in Minnesota in 7 years...yet God is teaching me His plan and reminding me this was His move.

And so I've realized that God's moves are not the world's. With eternal perspective and purposes as God's priority, He has been calling His very own throughout the bible to get up and leave their family and friends and move. So we obeyed. And it has felt like a fight against what the world preaches. And often throughout my days I feel as is I'm fighting my flesh and selfish desires...(you know when I just want a moment kidfree and get a minute to myself only to realize the ipod downloaded all kids music) but I know that this battle is not of flesh and blood but of the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly realms. We are fighting the world's ways. The world didn't call me to stay at home with our three children. It was God. The wold didn't call us to sell our overwhelmingly depreciated house and downsize to a tiny 500 square foot duplex rental. It was God. The world didn't bring my husband and I together. It was God. And the world didn't create these three children in my womb. It was God. My humility is teaching me to surrender and follow because truth is: when God acts (moves) who can reverse it? I think I'll fight the world knowing this.

I've realized and been reminded of my identity and it is in Christ. The other day Miracle was playing with another 4 year old boy who was talking and shouting so disrespectfully to the other kids. My heart was sad to hear it and then Miracle started to repeat his words too. Oh my mother's heart...I can't keep her from the world. I can't hide her from this talk and these ways. But God jumped into helped me parent her and that night we talked about remembering who we were - we are children of the Most High God, the King of Kings. We talked about who we represent - we represent Jesus, the Savior of the world who died to save us all with unconditional love and eternal life forever. We talked about living and talking like Jesus would want us to...and Miracle said, "I know Mom. I will help him see who he is." And she gave me a great big hug of sincerity and understanding. Thank you God for intervening into this teachable moment for me. The last week and a half, I have been fighting my desire to hide. Hide because I am ashamed that I am struggling, homesick, lonely. But God showed me that this is my life and my story for His glory and honor. I realized that I am passionate about knowing, claiming and living out my identity in Christ and helping others do the same.
So what does my identity in Christ claim?
It claims that I am Accepted (even when I am in the midst of all strangers in this new place.
It claims that I am Secure (even when the finances don't add up and the square footage seems too lil).
It claims I am Significant. This has been my focus these past days as God has been pulling me out of my downcast state. Because God moved us here...I claim my significance in Him. In Christ, I am His personal witness. I am God's co-worker (when the world talks down stay-at-home moms and submissive wives). I have been chosed and appointed to bear fruit (God has a great purpose and work for us in this new community). I am fearfully and wonderfully made (and no one is the same and I love this thought because I will never replace my friends and community back "home" but God will add additional blessings and unique individuals to our lives as we strive towards our eternal lives. And an important indentity to claim of my significance: I may approach God with freedom and confidence (I need to know I am free and can live confidently in Christ when this world constantly tries to put me in bondage to shut me down from God's moves and work in my life.)

And so after 82 days, you better believe that for me the days and nights have come with challenges, trials, raw fresh emotions, lonliness at times,claiming my indentity in Christ constantly, and hormone changes (that include so much hair loss that the bathroom drain stopper is constantly clogged and the once a week vacuum plan isn't enough...in my defense my baby is only 5 months old).

And this is just the beginning...I'm afraid to say it but know it's true, God has bigger mountains and moves to come and this MOVE is just preparation. Thank you Lord that heaven is my real home and if I'm honest once again I'm most homesick for you Jesus. Come, Jesus and fill our lives and the lives of others with more of you until you return. AMEN