We named them all just one name because it's always just one at a time. His name is Larry. Larry the spider. This lil' creature is the reason for Miracle's fear and the reason she won't sit in the chair nearest the wall at the dinner table. So every once in awhile Larry crawls up the wall to join us for dinner and his life comes quickly to an end but Miracle is still afraid. And Matthias talks to him and quickly runs to get the kleenix... but naming the spider has created a brief moment for a pet but no longer than that.
I hold him tight and stroke his back through the fleece footie pajamas and I sing. And suddenly he sings too. He isn't afraid to jabber his way through the songs. His 16 1/2 month old 'talking' warms my heart as we sing Jesus Loves You together and he sings, "ba ba" for bible. His little arms span across my body and his fingers grasp tightly around my shoulders, with his head resting gently upon my shoulders he knows the singing is over and the momma is praying and soon the crib will be his comfort. He doesn't want to stop singing. He says, "mo" which translates into more songs at bedtime. Oh the comfort of his small cuddly body and the willingness to stay with me and listen to me sing and pray over him. There is nothing not to cherish about it. And I ponder. As I hold him in the dark with a tighter squeeze myself. I whisper how much I love him. Do I cling to my Heavenly Father like this. Do I strive to get my hands around Him and hold tight. Is my head resting peacefully upon His shoulder? Am I listening? Can I hear Him singing over me and do I start to sing with Him even though I know He is singing to me.
I am afraid ... that truth be told, I am struggling to be God's child in this beautful cherishable daily moment. I want to rest. I want to be held. I want to hear Him singing and for my heart to sing along with Him.
Breathing Deep Once More
"Mommy! I'm scared. mommy, please come here." she yells from her bed. I just tucked her in. I go back in to talk with her and she is afraid. Scared of fires. She asks lots of questions about how fires start and I answer them the best I can on a 5 year old level. I pray over her and her heart and mind and say amen. She says with such convincing drama, "I just can't get the thoughts of fire out of my head." So we talk about our bible verse, "when I am afraid, I will trust in you" and I put the song on repeat. It was a perfect moment to teach her about taking our thoughts captive unto Christ. I explained to her that every time she thinks about the fires or other thoughts she doesn't want to have to give the thought to Jesus. she said, "ok but it just comes back." Next, I told her that we have to replace the thought with a bible verse. I asked her if she knew a bible verse she could say. "Yes, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." So every time you have a scary thought then quickly tell Jesus to take the thought and say your bible verse out loud. We practiced a few times. She asks me to pray once more...and I pray with a thinkful heart that all I need to parent is written in the bible. Amen.