PILLOWS!

Sometimes we just have to throw all the PILLOWS in...

Call it a DAY...

And...

PLAY!

Yep, all the pillows are in the kitchen on the floor and...
 we dove,
              ran & jumped,
                                   and "swam" in our pool of PILLOWS!

Speaking of pillows...
Can you imagine not sleeping with a pillow?
Do you remember your first night sleeping with a pillow?
Well, Matthias won't remember it either but at 20 months old we decided it was time...
He sleeps with a pillow now! He looks like such a big boy laying in his crib with his pillow, puppy blanket, all cuddled up under his blanket. Just love it!

So all that to say - it was one deep breath of PILLOW fun yesterday!

Raw or Candy-Coated?

I love writing. But it isn't an easy task. Sure it comes somewhat naturally for me, but leaves me transparent, vulnerable, known, and bears my soul with a sweetened perspective that wouldn't come to me otherwise. It's my passion maybe. Yet some days and some months, it might be easier to not sit down to write because the season might be too easy, too happy, or just too busy to... Or maybe it might be better to just blog for only myself to see and read it. All this to say, I blog not for the few readers or the occasional web surfer stragler, but just because I experience the Lord in a whole new way.
Sure some of my writings seem topped with melted butter, or creamy frosting, coated with hard candy shell, or showered with the color pink that makes everything in my life seem rosy. It is easiest to be covered, but I want to be raw.
I want my heart to be raw; raw before my Maker and Creator. Scary. Yet so completely freeing. Hope with no fear of disappoint lingers deep down from the history I already have with God. I know how He works within my life...
Have you ever experienced life with such immense feeling you weren't sure you could overcome them and choose God? Or has your heart ever become so hard that it's like a hard candy coating that won't even melt in your hand let alone God's because you've chosen to clamp the shell and not allow even your Wonderful Maker to soften and renew His masterpiece?
Well, I am somewhere within those questions; it's a pendelum for me to swing between feelings to numbness, but I don't have to live here where the fear, doubt, wonder, and bondage so easily begin to bar me in. No, it is for freedom that Christ has set me free it says in Galatians. And I can fight. Or better yet I can stop resisting and be brutally honest with God and let Jesus take the nails instead of letting the fear of hurt, rejection, shame, pride, unforgiveness, bitterness and past choices pierce my heart. I can choose to breathe the living words of life as Hebrews proclaims regardless of what my feelings are. Jesus Christ overcame the grave! So He can surely overcome my feelings or lack of and make me new again.. So, I want that freshly grown rawness, the purest source of nutrients with perfect flavor...I desire to be raw just as God created me with nothing covering, coating, or changing me. I plead for God at this season in my life because who but the Creator can make a hardened, cooked, or cracked egg raw again. Only God alone can! Oh how I know so much is at stake if God doesn't overcome me. So I lay bearing my soul allowing tears or anger or quietness to fester. Uncomfortable? Oh yeah!

Here's the truth I am claiming from Psalm 27 (with Italics being my thoughts):
verse 1b The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom should I be afraid?
(I do not have to trust my feelings, they do not have to be my stronghold, I do not have to fear when they may lead. THE LORD IS THE STRONGHOLD OF MY LIFE!)
2b when my enemies and my foes attack me they will stumble and fall
7-8 Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face Lord, I will seek.
 (Choosing the still small voice of The Holy Counselor, the gift that Christ gave to me, I will answer that cry amidst the other feelings to Seek His Face! Thank you God for your mercy that makes this possible.)
11 Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path...do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me
(Lord, I want your way, your path. My feelings can be true or they can be my foes; they are a false witness compared to your way. Please help me.)
13-14 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
(Yes, I am confident that I can wait upon the Lord and He will overcome me, my feelings and lack of and His goodness will be revealed even in this fragile earthly life of mine. Making my heart raw once again is an easy task for Creator God but his gentleness and mercy and love for me are somethings that slow down the process but well worth the wait I'm certain.)

So, what'll it be Raw and Christ-coated or candy-coated?
I'm praying and waiting upon the Lord...
I want to be raw and Christ-coated; completely vulnerable and surrendered to my Savior. My only Redeemer.
It's a process.

Oh, thank you Jesus...

I'm often reminded by just listening and watching my 3 1/2 year old daughter of the things I do and say. Like today, when she was trying to climb onto the big bed in her room. It's a really big bed because it has a box spring and two mattresses on it because we didn't want to get rid of either mattress for visitors' sake. So anyway, today as she was grabbing at the sheets and climbing up she was struggling to make it up and finally she made it on to the top of the mattresses and said, "oh, thank you Jesus for getting me on to this bed."
It was a perfect reminder of all the times I have said, "oh, thank you Jesus...for shutting the garage door (it probably would help if I changed the battery, but it's more fun to sit in the driveway and pray with the kids); oh, thank you Jesus for this food., oh, thank you Jesus for this home, oh, thank you Jesus for this child..."
It's easy for me to unload with thankfulness for the obviouse blessings of life, but lately, I have been challenged in this earthly life to say,

"Oh, thank you Jesus for...":

• this storm in my life where the wind causes my ears to struggle to hear you, and waves become so high I fear I can't see and you prove your sovereignty over and over again, revealing your presence in the midst of the storm
• teaching me that I can not lean on my own understanding but I can lean upon your understanding
• being the creator of marriage with a divine purpose in mind
• confirming my reason for living is to glorify my Father in heaven and share the hope that only you can offer
• calling me to holiness as you are holy; life is so much more than happiness.
• ridding me of control once again and creatoring another masterpiece within my womb

"Oh, thank you Jesus for so much more than my words can express; you are the keeper of my heart and every tear I cry, every storm I endure, every humbling moment,... is worth it if it draws me nearer to you."