Raw or Candy-Coated?

I love writing. But it isn't an easy task. Sure it comes somewhat naturally for me, but leaves me transparent, vulnerable, known, and bears my soul with a sweetened perspective that wouldn't come to me otherwise. It's my passion maybe. Yet some days and some months, it might be easier to not sit down to write because the season might be too easy, too happy, or just too busy to... Or maybe it might be better to just blog for only myself to see and read it. All this to say, I blog not for the few readers or the occasional web surfer stragler, but just because I experience the Lord in a whole new way.
Sure some of my writings seem topped with melted butter, or creamy frosting, coated with hard candy shell, or showered with the color pink that makes everything in my life seem rosy. It is easiest to be covered, but I want to be raw.
I want my heart to be raw; raw before my Maker and Creator. Scary. Yet so completely freeing. Hope with no fear of disappoint lingers deep down from the history I already have with God. I know how He works within my life...
Have you ever experienced life with such immense feeling you weren't sure you could overcome them and choose God? Or has your heart ever become so hard that it's like a hard candy coating that won't even melt in your hand let alone God's because you've chosen to clamp the shell and not allow even your Wonderful Maker to soften and renew His masterpiece?
Well, I am somewhere within those questions; it's a pendelum for me to swing between feelings to numbness, but I don't have to live here where the fear, doubt, wonder, and bondage so easily begin to bar me in. No, it is for freedom that Christ has set me free it says in Galatians. And I can fight. Or better yet I can stop resisting and be brutally honest with God and let Jesus take the nails instead of letting the fear of hurt, rejection, shame, pride, unforgiveness, bitterness and past choices pierce my heart. I can choose to breathe the living words of life as Hebrews proclaims regardless of what my feelings are. Jesus Christ overcame the grave! So He can surely overcome my feelings or lack of and make me new again.. So, I want that freshly grown rawness, the purest source of nutrients with perfect flavor...I desire to be raw just as God created me with nothing covering, coating, or changing me. I plead for God at this season in my life because who but the Creator can make a hardened, cooked, or cracked egg raw again. Only God alone can! Oh how I know so much is at stake if God doesn't overcome me. So I lay bearing my soul allowing tears or anger or quietness to fester. Uncomfortable? Oh yeah!

Here's the truth I am claiming from Psalm 27 (with Italics being my thoughts):
verse 1b The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom should I be afraid?
(I do not have to trust my feelings, they do not have to be my stronghold, I do not have to fear when they may lead. THE LORD IS THE STRONGHOLD OF MY LIFE!)
2b when my enemies and my foes attack me they will stumble and fall
7-8 Hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face Lord, I will seek.
 (Choosing the still small voice of The Holy Counselor, the gift that Christ gave to me, I will answer that cry amidst the other feelings to Seek His Face! Thank you God for your mercy that makes this possible.)
11 Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path...do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me
(Lord, I want your way, your path. My feelings can be true or they can be my foes; they are a false witness compared to your way. Please help me.)
13-14 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
(Yes, I am confident that I can wait upon the Lord and He will overcome me, my feelings and lack of and His goodness will be revealed even in this fragile earthly life of mine. Making my heart raw once again is an easy task for Creator God but his gentleness and mercy and love for me are somethings that slow down the process but well worth the wait I'm certain.)

So, what'll it be Raw and Christ-coated or candy-coated?
I'm praying and waiting upon the Lord...
I want to be raw and Christ-coated; completely vulnerable and surrendered to my Savior. My only Redeemer.
It's a process.